A Very Potter Fifth Year
by xHP-Addictx
Summary: If you have not seen AVPM or AVPS, do so before reading this. Umbridge receives the links to AVPM and AVPS. In an attempt to undermine Harry, she makes the whole school watch them. Her plans, needless to say, backfire horribly. Rated T because of the language.
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, I'm so excited right now! The first chapter of my first fanfic. At the time of my uploading this, it is approx. one thirty in the morning. I was re-watching A Very Potter Sequel when this idea just came to me. That, and I was also reading this fic called Hogwarts Reads the Harry Potter Books by Firezbirdz (really good by the way). If it weren't for the sudden rush of inspiration I would've waited for a more reasonable time, believe me.  
>Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, A Very Potter Musical, or A Very Potter Sequel. They belong to the admirable JK Rowling and the fantastic StarKidPotter. I am merely borrowing them for my own - and hopefully your - enjoyment. The only thing I can lay claim on is the plot. No copyright infringement intended.<strong>

A Very Potter Fifth Year

Prologue

(Dedicated to all StarKidPotter fans)

It was a week since Hogwarts had started, and Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge had already had to give Harry Potter a detention. Not that he didn't deserve it; lying about the fact that Voldemort had returned. The time was drawing closer to that detention, and Umbridge was sitting in her office. As she was rummaging through her stuff to bring out her blood quill, she found something completely out of place. One single piece of paper. It wasn't in a folder, and it didn't even have a paperclip attached to it. Umbridge curiously started to unfold it. All that was written on that piece of paper was a spell and two very odd titles of something to do with the Potter boy. Umbridge suddenly had a much better idea of how she was going to punish Potter. Oh, yes; she'd humiliate him by making everybody in the school witness the truth about him. Little did she know that she would be the one to be humiliated.

-  
><strong>So, what do you think? Love it, hate it, neutral? All reviews are welcome. I'm thinking about bringing in some other characters as well, not sure who yet. If you have any suggestions, just tell me. By the way, sorry this is so short, but it was just a way for me to get this whole thing started. I should upload again hopefully a couple times before I go to my grandparent's for a sleepover next week. Don't worry, though, I'll still be writing chapters, I'll just have to wait to upload them. Remember, reviews are the fuel of any writer's inspiration, and that includes me. <strong>


	2. Chapter 1: The first episode

**Sorry this took so long to write. What with summer reading projects, school starting, and how long it takes to write this in general, I've been kinda busy. Anyway, they watch the first part of AVPM in this chapter. The disclaimer is in the prologue, since I really don't feel like writing it again. I'm going to stop typing now so you can enjoy the first chapter.**

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A Very Potter Fifth Year

Chapter 1

(Same dedication as before)

Harry Potter was heading up to his detention with Professor Umbridge. He couldn't even begin to imagine the horrors she might put him through. Just as some very obscure thoughts about doing lines with his own blood ran through his head, Umbridge herself came out of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. "Professor, aren't we doing detention in your office?"

"Change of plans, Potter. Now, do you know what this means?" She showed him the words _Ipsum Operis_. When he shrugged, inwardly cursing himself for not paying attention to Hermione's lecture about Latin, she said, "It means 'technology work' in Latin. You know what? This little spell will be the end of all of your lies. For this little spell will enable the whole school to watch musicals about your life. When they do, it will be no use saying that You-Know-Who has come back, for everybody will know you for the attention seeker you are."

"Umm, err, okay," Harry said, not knowing what else to say. _Crazy old Umbitch_, he thought. "So are we doing this now? Nevermind," he said at the look on her face. "Stupid question. Of course we're doing it now. I mean, classes are over and there's a half hour free period until supper, so when would we find a better time?" _Shut up!_, he thought furiously. _You're just going to sound even more stupid, rambling on like that_. With that, Umbridge half led him and half dragged him towards the Great Hall.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hem, hem." The annoying cough sounded just as soon as everybody at Hogwarts had filed into the Great Hall. "As punishment for Mr. Potter's lies, I have found a trustworthy," (or so she thought), "source showing us his whole life. Now, I have asked Professor Burbage to find us a muggle computer, because I have discovered a way for technology to work in Hogwarts." Just then, Professor Burbage came in with what the muggleborns recognized as a computer. "Thank you, Professor. Now then, with the incantation – _Ipsum Operis_ – and the URL of the site, we shall discover the truth of Harry Potter's life. With that, she typed in .com/user/StarKidPotter , and the screen was magnified onto the wall behind the teacher's table, forcing them to move the table down the steps and sit on the same level as the students. Umbridge clicked on something called "A Very Potter Musical" and selected act one part one. Putting it onto full screen mode, Umbridge was suddenly unsure about the whole thing. She had no idea why, but it suddenly felt like a very bad idea. Deciding that she was just nervous to discover what Harry had done in previous years, she forced the doubt out of her mind and hit play.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**With music in the background, what appeared to be a chalk drawing of a lion with a wizard hat jumping either over or onto the word Starkid surrounded by stars came up. After ****about three seconds it disappeared to be replaced by a disclaimer.**

"Who's J.K. Rowling?" Fred shouted out just as George said, "What's Warner Bros.?"

**When that disappeared, A Very Potter Musical appeared in big letters, with some laughter in the background. Then the spotlight turned on to a boy with glasses and messy hair sitting on a trunk.**

"Oi! Is that supposed to be me!" Harry exclaimed, incredulous. "What an insult."

"Can it, Potter," Umbridge chided.

**The Harry in the musical ran his hand through his hair a few times before crossing his arms as if he was cold. All the while he was looking around, and then he started to sing. "Underneath these stairs, I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt."**

"Bloody hell, Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "I never knew you could sing."

"Honestly, Ronald," Hermione scolded.

**"Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar," to which he rubbed it as though it were hurting him, "to know they'll never, ever give me what I want."**

"Oh, boo hoo, Potter," Draco sneered. Harry did the wise thing and ignored him.

**"I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive. I'm sick of summer and this waiting around." Here Harry uncrossed his arms. "Man it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now. I gotta get back to Hogwarts." Harry announced while standing up. "I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts," he says while pointing at himself, "where everybody knows I'm cool." Here he straightens his tie.**

"Really, Potter? Everybody?" Snape drawled. "From my perspective only a handful of people are even friends with you." Once nobody was looking at him, Harry did the mature thing and stuck his tongue out at Snape.

**"Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I'm going back." Harry lays down his trunk and sits back down on it before beginning to sing again. "I'll see my friends, gonna laugh till we cry. Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky." He mimes grabbing a broom and then points upward. "No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!"**

The real Harry was banging his head against the table at his portrayers use of the phrase 'totally awesome' while everybody else was laughing at it, or him.

**Harry then gets up and takes out a stick and waves it around before holding it with both hands while singing, "I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah bring it on!"**

"Seriously people! I don't think that way!" Harry yelled at the screen.

**"And do it all with my best friend, Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome!"**

"Don't think that way, huh?" Ron joked.

"Well, that part's true." Harry said a bit sheepishly.

**A door opened on the side of the stage, and someone who looked to be Ron burst in saying, ****"Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Whoo!"**

"Oh my god, seriously. I'm not really that annoying, am I?" Ron asked. Not missing a chance to tease him, Harry glanced at Ginny before he spoke.

"Sometimes," Harry said, "You can be."

"Especially early in the morning," Ginny added.

"Oh jeez. I promise that I will never do that again. Ever." Ron stated. "Wait, what's so funny?" he asked as Harry and Ginny started laughing.

"Ron, they were teasing you." Hermione told him while she herself started to giggle.

"Wow, I got played big time." Was all Ron said in response.

**At this Harry gets up and they hug. "What's up, buddy. Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to get some floo powder. But, uh, we gotta get going. Come on, grab your trunk, let's go."**

** "Where are we going?" Harry asked.**

** "To Diagon Alley, of course." Ron replied.**

** "Cool!" Harry said as Ron said "C'mon!" Together they waved their arms as the chanted, "Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power." During this lights were flashing on and off outside of the spotlight.**

Cue laughter and head banging.

**"It's been so long, but we're going back." Ron started. "Don't go for work, don't go there for class."**

"Oh really boys?" asked McGonagall.

"It isn't really them," Flitwick piped up.

**"As long as we're together," Harry continued, "gonna kick some ass,"**

As one, Hermione and all the teachers except Flitwick berated Harry for his language. "Guys!" he cried out. "Listen to Professor Flitwick. It's not really me!"

**Harry and Ron started singing together, "and it's gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm. Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm," **

"You'd better not," Hermione chided. "Do you know the punishment for

"Really 'Mione, you don't have a right to scold us about that," Ron stated.

"Why not? I mean, breaking the rules is breaking the rules."

"Yeah, then what about first year?" Harry asked. "Or second or third?"

"Okay, okay. I get it," said a now very red Hermione.

**"But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!"**

If possible, Hermione got even redder than before.

**"God Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?" Ron asked.**

** "Because guys, school's not all about fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards." People in the background started walking past. Hermione then began to sing. "I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, they're A's for a start."**

"A's, Granger? Is that how you're going to mark on the OWLs?" Draco taunted.

"Shut up, Draco. It's a muggle grading system. In that system, A's are the best." Hermione said, never missing a chance to lecture anybody about anything.

**"What I lack in looks, well I make up in heart and, well guys, yeah that's totally awesome." Hermione then walked to the other side of the stage. "This year I plan to study a lot."**

"Typical." Ron stated.

**Ron then said/sang "That would be cool if you were actually hot."**

"Also typical." Hermione retorted.

**Harry interceded with, "Hey Ron, come on. We're the only friends that she's got." The last bit was in a stage whisper. **

** "And that's cool," Ron sang.**

** "And that's totally awesome." Hermione concluded.**

** They all began to sing at once, "Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome." Everyone who had walked by in the background came back on and started to dance with Harry, Ron, and Hermione singing in front of them. "We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery for anyone to see how . . . We gotta get back to Hogwarts. We gotta get back to school. We gotta get back to Hogwarts where everything is magic-cool."**

At the bad pun nearly everybody groaned, except for the Slytherins who were laughing at the Gryffindor's expense. "Come on, Gryffindorks!" some Slytherin yelled out. "Is that the best you can do?"

"No. But what do you want to bet that the white-haired short one in front is the amazing bouncing ferret himself?" George yelled back. When people murmured in confusion, he then shouted, "Draco! Remember? From last year?" There was a collective 'ooh'. Meanwhile Draco was giving George a death glare worthy of Voldemort himself. When he noticed, George only laughed.

**The trio had moved over to the left side while singing the last part. "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think we're going back." **

At the conclusion of the first video nearly everyone was laughing. The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs because the song made sense. The Slytherins because it made a fool out of the Gryffindors. Even Dumbledore had a merry twinkle in his eye. Only Umbridge and Fudge weren't laughing. They had yet to find any condemning evidence against Potter. Before she got that uneasy feeling again, Umbridge hit play on the next video.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**So there it is. The first official chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Please review. Anything is welcome as long as it is only critiquing and not just hating. If you do review, I'll work on my homework more so I can do this more often. By the way, just four minutes of video took close to an hour to write, more or less. I dread to think how long that an eight minute video would take. Reviews might help me live with that as well. Simply put, writers need reviewers to continue writing. Until next chapter, everybody!**


	3. Chapter 2: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?

** Guys, I am sooo sorry for not updating in forever! I wish I could say I was doing something cool like hunting for the hidden swimming pool at Hogwarts, but sadly I've just been homework packed. Please forgive me! I-I'll give you Redvines, or maybe a double update. Probably just Redvines, though. Disclaimer is on the prologue, since I'm too lazy to type it here. Enjoy!**

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**"Ron!" Someone exlaimed loudly as soon as the video started. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking to the right, and there was a girl chasing them. "You were supposed to take me to Madame Malkin's and, you know, use those sickles Mom gave you for my robe fitting!"**

"'Mom'? That's me isn't it?" Ginny asked dully.

"Well, who else could it be?" Ron pointed out cheerily. He was happy to be getting payback for being teased earlier.

**As Ron is mouthing 'Oh my god', Harry asked, "Uh, who's this?"**

** "Oh, this is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny." Ron said.**

At this, Ron turned as red as his hair. Knowing that he was about to be berated for his portrayer calling Ginny that, he ducked down.

"You know he doesn't really think that, don't you?" Hermione intervened.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, with Fred and George as brothers, none of us can afford to be stupid," Ginny admitted.

**"She's a freshman," Ron continued with the introduction as Ginny waved at them excitedly.**

To keep confusion about the muggle term to a minimum, Hermione said, "A freshman is like a first year at muggle high schools."

**As Harry and Ginny shook hands, Ron said, "Ginny this is Harry. Harry Potter. He's Harry Potter." **

** At this Ginny takes on a starstruck look as she says, "Oh, you're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived."**

"Ugh," Ginny groaned. "Did I really do that the first time we met?"

"Er, sort of," Harry admitted. "Except you couldn't talk." Ron chuckled a little in amusement as Ginny facepalmed in embarassement.

**"Yeah," Harry said. "And you're Ginny."**

** "Oh, it's Ginevra," Ginny told him.**

"Oh Godric, could this get any worse? How did they know that?" Ginny asked in desparation.

"Wait," Harry said. "That's really your name?" Ginny nodded, no longer trusting what would come out of her mouth if she spoke.

**"Cool, Ginny's fine," Harry said. **

** Ron came up to her then and stage-slapped her head as he said, "Stupid sister!" Ginny ****wailed in pain when he did that, bending over and holding her head. Ron went back to Harry and ****put his arm around him while saying, "Don't crowd the famous friend."**

Ginny just shook her head, giving Ron her I'll-get-you-for-that look. Ron gulped, knowing she had a mean bat-bogey hex.

**"Do you guys hear music or something?" Hermione asked, apparently tired of being ignored.**

** "Music?" Harry said in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"**

** "Yeah," Ron said. "Someone's coming." Harry echoed Ron on the last bit, then they all sort of watched in an amazed way as three girls came on the left of the stage.**

** The girls were stepping side to side while singing, "Cho Chang, domo arigato. Cho Chang, gung hey fat choy Chang," here they did a forwards body roll type thing. "Happy, happy new year, Cho Chang," as they said that they dropped to the ground and rose back up slowly. The one in front slapped her rear and then they all turned toward each other. Throughout this whole display, Harry and Ron are looking on in approval.**

Harry glanced over to the Ravenclaw table to see Cho looking on in disbelief, apparently shocked by what she just saw.

**"Oh, who's that?" Ginny asked.**

** "That's Cho Chang," Harry said.**

** "That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year," Ron explained.**

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice a little bit. _How did these people learn all of this?_ he wondered.

**Harry was limbering up, like he was going to go over there and make a move when Hermione pointed out, "Yeah, but he won't say anything to her."**

** Ron looks at her as if to say 'Well, duh' as he explains, "Well, yeah, you never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot."**

** Ginny ran over to the group of girls and introduced herself. "Konichiwa, Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley." She says this in the rather annoying fashion people use whenever they talk to someone from a different country.**

"Sorry about that, Cho," Ginny said loudly enough for her to hear.

"That's okay, Ginny," Cho said. "None of these characters are behaving the way we do."

**The Asian looking girl in front that Ginny was talking to turned and smiled at the other girls before whirling around to Ginny and saying, "Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang." As she said this she put her hands on her hips.**

There was a buzz of confusion among everyone who knew Cho. "How can that not be Cho?" a lot of them asked. Hermione was the first to understand, as usual, and pointed it out to everyone.

"This is simply a way that the director of the musical decided to add humor to it. A musical is nothing if it doesn't have some sort of humor in it."

** Ron came up behind Ginny, tapped her shoulder, and when she turned around he indicated the girl and said, "That's Lavender Brown." He stage-slaps her again, to which she wails again, and says, "Racist sister!"**

** The tallest girl in the line steps out and walks over to Ginny as she is bent over in pain. She soothes her by saying, "Hey, it's alright. I'm Cho Chang, y'all."**

"Interesting sense of humor," Cho huffed. She was not happy with being portrayed as a southern belle.

"Don't worry about it, Cho," Luna comforted her. "As you said, none of these characters are quite like us.

"Yeah," Ginny piped up. "For one thing, they all have American accents."

"I guess you're right," Cho admitted. "Thank you."

**"She is totally perfect," Harry said while Cho is just standing there minding her business.**

** "Yeah," Ron agreed. "Too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory, though, huh?"**

_Hmm,_ Harry thought. _This was definitely before the end of fourth year. _He remembered with a grimace that night in the graveyard. Not letting himself get too depressed, he focused back on the musical.

** "What?" Harry said, his voice a tad higher than normal. "Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that? Who is that guy?" he asked as Cedric was right behind them.**

** Ron attempts to explain but gets knocked down as Cedric pushes them both out of the way. "Cho Chang," he sings while Ron is looking on angrily. "I am so in love, with Cho Chang." He walked up to Cho while he was singing that and spun her around to hold her in his arms. All through this Cho has an almost lovestruck look on her face. "From Bangkok to Ding-dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!" Cho ran off of the stage with Cedric chasing her and then Lavender and the other girl followed.**

"Well, that was….different," Ron muttered.

"You can say that again," Harry agreed.

**"I hate that guy!" Harry said vehemently. "I hate him." **

** Ron then looked at his sister and said, "So are we gonna get those robes or not?"**

** "Okay, alright, let's go!" Ginny shouted as she got up.**

** Ron stormed off, saying, "God sister!" and then everybody left as another person walked out. He was walking briskly when he bumped into a big, burly person with a smaller one behind. He let out a gasp once he saw who he had bumped into.**

** "Present your arm, nerd," the big one said. **

** "Wh-wh-wh-what?" The other one spluttered as he did as he was told.**

** "Indian burn hex!" The first one fell to his knees in pain, while the small one made fun of him. **

** Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny came back just then. "Oh, Crabbe and Goyle," Ron said.**

** "Are you okay?" Ginny asked the boy still on the floor before helping him up and guiding him away.**

** "Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

"Really?" Neville asked. "That doesn't look a thing like me. Also, why make me the one that Crabbe and Goyle mess with?"

"It's okay, Neville. Whoever made these must have figured it was the easiest way to introduce the characters," Hermione told him.

"Besides," Harry said. "Crabbe and Goyle aren't smart enough to do this kind of thing in real life. All they care about is food."

**"Well, well, well," Goyle said. "If it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around."**

** "No," Harry said. "I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on!"**

"Always sticking up for Longbottom, aren't you, Potter?" Draco sneered. As Harry was about to retort, Ron stopped him.

"Don't bother, Harry. I'm sure his character is going to be worse than the rest of us."

"Yeah, you're right," Harry said, smirking. "I can't wait for this." Draco looked on smugly, certain that he had nothing to be worried about.

**"Oh, well you know what I think?" Goyle asked. "I think glasses are for nerds." He then took Harry's glasses and snapped them in half. "We hate nerds!"**

** "And girls," Crabbe added.**

** "My glasses," Harry muttered as he stared at the broken pieces.**

** "Well, you asked for it," Ron said. "You don't mess with Harry Potter. He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby." Hermione held up her hands as he was saying this.**

** "Alright," she said. "Everyone just calm down." She walked over to Harry and pointed her wand at his glasses. "Occulus Reparo!" There was a sound almost like tape as they flew back onto his face.**

** "Whoa, cool!" Harry exclaimed.**

** Hermione grabbed Harry's arm and began to lead him away while saying, "Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!"**

"You tell 'em, 'Mione!" Ron said. Hermione just smiled to herself.

**As Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville were about to leave, a voice came from off-stage. "Did someone say Draco Malfoy?" On walked someone with a blonde wig and their arms spread.**

"What? My father will hear about this!" Draco exploded. "Wait, is that...?" He got up and walked closer to the screen to get a better look. "It is," he groaned. "How could they have had the nerve to allow a girl to play me!" Then he realized that everyone had gone quiet. He took a deep breath to calm himself, turned around slowly, and walked back to his seat. As soon as he sat down, the entire Gryffindor table erupted in laughter.

"You were right," Harry told Ron, tears of laughter in his eyes.

**"What do you want, Draco?" Harry asked.**

** *"Crabbe, Goyle, go pay for my robes will you?"* Draco asked as he handed Goyle some money. Goyle grunted and left with Crabbe. Draco then turned to Harry and began walking around the four of them. "So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber of wizard."**

** "Listen," Harry said as he put his arms around Ron and Hermione. Ginny tried to join, but Ron pushed her off.**

"Thanks a lot, Ron."

"Hey, that wasn't really me, you know that."

** "Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything."**

** "Have it your way," Draco said before turning to Ginny and pointing at her. "Wait, don't tell me. Red hair, hand me down clothes, and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley."**

** "Oh my god, lay off Malfoy," Ron said. "She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass."**

"Nice way to stick up for your sister, Ron," Harry said. Ginny just laughed as Ron ducked his head.

"In this family, that's a compliment, believe me," Ginny said.

**"Well, isn't this cute. It's like a little, loser family," Draco said. The four left, leaving **

**Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle on stage. "Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily, next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!"**

"What's that, Draco? Is that the best school you could afford," Harry taunted.

Draco spluttered a little before replying, "Like you'd know. Not everybody inherited enough money to buy out the Ministry of Magic when their parents died."

**Standing by himself on the stage, Draco began to sing while moving his arms. "This year, you bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, is gonna be totally awesome!" Here he did the 'rock on' sign with his hands before pointing out at the audience. "Look out world for the dawn of the day when everyone will do WHATEVER I SAY! And Potter won't be in my way, and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!" **

** "Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!" Goyle half sang and half shouted into Draco's face, since he had whirled around when Goyle started.**

** A train whistle sounded and Hermione said, "Guys, come on! We're going to miss the train!"**

"I believe Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley did just that three years ago," Snape said.

"Way to bring that up again," Harry mumbled.

**All of the kids were now standing in rows singing together. "Who knows how fast this year's gonna go. Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow," Here they started moving as if they were a train while Harry sung a part by himself. **

** "Maybe, at last, I'll talk to Cho!" he sang.**

** "Oh, no, that'd be way too awesome!" Ron countered before they all sang again.**

** "We're here to learn everything that we can! It's great to come back to where we began! And here we are," they lurched as the train stopped, "and alakazam!" They all jumped as they sang this. "Here we go, this is totally awesome!" Half of them ran to one side of the stage and half to the other. "Come on and teach us everything you know," they all sang. "The summer's over and we're itching to go!"**

** "I think we're ready for," Neville sang. "Albus Dumbledore!"**

** Everyone moved their hands for Dumbledore to come through while singing, "Ohhh, oh, ahhh!"**

"I wonder what Professor Dumbledore will be like in this," Harry said.

**Dumbledore then walked out in a maroon robe, a purple wizard hat, and sandals. He was also holding flowers.**

"And there's my answer."

**Dumbledore began to sing, throwing his flowers randomly. "Welcoooooooooome all of you to Hogwarts. I welcome all of you to school." Here the students started walking around. "Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool? Welcome, welcome, welcome, Hogwarts. Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools."**

"Did Professor Dumbledore really just say, er, sing that?" Ron asked.

"Yes, Ron, yes he did," Hermione said, just as dumbfounded.

**"Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore continued, "I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me, Dumbledore. S'pose you could also call me Albus, if you wanted detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus." He then walked to the background as the kids started to sing again. **

** "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts." The kids then separated by house, with the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws standing close together. "Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends. To Gryffindor!" the Gryffindors sang this by themselves, "Hufflepuff!" the Hufflepuffs, "Ravenclaw!" the Ravenclaws, "Slytherin!" the Slytherins. "Back to the place where our story begins, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts."**

** "I'm sorry," Dumbledore intervened, "What's it's name?"**

** "Hogwarts, Hogwarts."**

** "I didn't hear you kids!**

** "Hogwarts, Hogwarts," by this point everyone was at the front of the stage and Harry sang by himself.**

** "Man I'm glad I'm back!" Everyone then put their wands in the air, ending the episode.**

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

** Again, I'm so sorry this took so long! Probably wouldn't even be done now, if it weren't for reviews. Now do you see how important they are? Anyway, the *'s surrounding Draco's line are there because I have absolutely no idea what he really says there. If anybody knows, tell me please and I'll fix it. I tried looking it up, but everywhere I looked said something different. I'll hopefully have the next part up within the month, try to start the new year with lots of parts, you know. Until then, enjoy! (And review)**


	4. Chapter 3: The House Cup Tournament

**Hey guys, I've finally been able to build up the motivation to analyze every little part of an eight minute video. Your reviews definitely help. Disclaimer's on the prologue, as usual. Now, off into learning shenanigans! **

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**As everyone was sitting down at what looked to be the tables of the Great Hall, Dumbledore spoke. "Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter."**

"Now that can't be right," Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione. "He hasn't even looked in my direction at all this year."

"Well, Harry, it's not like he doesn't have excuses for it," Hermione told him.

"Yeah, what with the Order of the Phoenix back in business," Ron started to say, but Harry interrupted him.

"Hey Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you speak a little louder? I don't think Malfoy heard you."

"Oh, sorry," Ron said, "I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly. Now you two be quiet so I can hear this," Hermione said, putting an end to the discussion.

**The Gryffindors cheered as Dumbledore walked over. "He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby," Dumbledore continued. "He's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny, excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley."**

Harry started as he heard a thud behind him. He turned to see Ginny's head down on the table. "Why does everybody tease me, huh?"

"It's okay, Ginny," Harry said, trying to soothe her. "At least your character isn't as bad as Malfoy's."

"That's right, sis," Fred chimed in from farther up the table. "Besides, it's not like that's a stupid mistake to make."

"After all," George said, "you are the only girl in a family of boys."

"I swear," Ginny hissed, "if you two don't shut up right now, you are so going to get it after this is finished!"

"What are you going to do?" Fred asked. "Bat-bogey hex us to death?"

"Fred, George, stop talking," Ron advised them. "She could actually do that, you know." The twins stopped after that, but Harry could tell that they didn't believe it.

**"Yeah, I'm a girl," Ginny said as she stood up. "And, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the, uh, Sorting Hat?"**

** "Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat," Dumbledore explained. "He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year." Ginny nodded and sat down after hearing this. Dumbledore then went on. "Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care."**

Harry tilted his head, not paying attention to the protests from the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. "Scarf of Sexual Preference?," he muttered. "Why on earth would that even be necessary?" Nobody heard him, though, as Umbridge was silencing the protests.

On the other side of the Great Hall, Draco was wondering the same exact thing. Not only was it a completely idiotic idea, he thought, but it could prove to be very embarrassing to some. He tried to keep from thinking about Hermione; he knew he had no chance with her. Pulling his mind away from the topic, he muttered to himself. "Who'd even put that thing on anyway?" he scoffed. "Probably just as old and shabby as the Sorting Hat."

**Cedric stood up as Dumbledore finished his speech. "Hufflepuff's are particularly good finders," he said with a smile.**

** "What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" Dumbledore asked. Cedric just shrugged and sat down, still smiling.**

"Ugh," Harry groaned in desperation, "I'm not even going to try to make sense of this anymore. It was obviously made by Muggles, who else would be so clueless."

"I know," Ron said. "I mean, good finders? What does that even mean?"

"Don't try, Ron. Don't even try to figure it out," Harry said, resolving to just accept everything that was said.

**"Anyway," Dumbledore said, "it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend, and our own Potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape." With this Dumbledore stood off to the side. Ron started to complain as the Slytherins clapped. **

** "Aw man, Professor Snape, I hoped they fired that guy!"**

"Here we find the first place this musical thing actually makes sense," Ron said. All the Gryffindors that heard him burst out laughing. One glare from Snape shut them up, though. After Snape looked away, Fred leaned over and thumped Ron on the arm.

"Nice one, little brother," he muttered.

**"Why? What's wrong with Professor Snape?" Ginny asked.**

** "Uh, nothing," Ron replied, "he's just, uh, evil!"**

**At this a man came out who looked almost like Snape. He had the black billowy robe, as well as the black shirt and pants underneath. The hair was pretty much identical as well. The only difference was the face. This Snape had his eyes bugged out - really wide at that - and his mouth was in an upside-down smile of sorts.**

Snape was mildly annoyed by this, though you wouldn't be able to tell. He watched without expression, only slightly curious as to what his character would be like.

**"Come on, Ron. He's really not that bad. I don't know what you're talking about," Harry said.**

** "Harry Potter," Snape drawled. "Detention."**

** "What!" Harry exclaimed, standing up.**

** "For talking out of turn," Snape explained. Harry sat down, dejected, as Snape continued. "Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz." Everyone groaned except Hermione, who looked excited.**

"That's just like you, 'Mione," Ron said jubilantly.

"I don't act like," Hermione started to argue, but stopped herself. "Oh, I guess I do, huh?"

"Yep," said Harry. "Two Galleons says you answer all the questions. Perfectly, at that." Nobody even bothered to bet on that, they all knew it was going to happen.

**Snape started walking around the room as he asked, "Can anyone tell me what a portkey is?" Hermione raised her hand up and waved it around excitedly. "Ah yes, Miss Granger," Snape said, choosing the only one with their hand up.**

** When called upon Hermione went into an explanation that was mostly covered by one breath. "A portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touched it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter."**

"Do I really come across as that much of a know-it-all?" Hermione asked. Harry didn't even bother to answer, he knew better, but Ron obviously didn't.

"At...first," he said hesitantly, quickly following it up with, "but that's completely understandable. I mean, good grades are important to you, and during first year you had no idea what you'd be dealing with, you being a muggle-born and all." Hermione just rolled her eyes and ignored him as he kept stammering.

**"Very good," Snape said. "Now, can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?" Hermione again waved her hand in the air. "Yes, Miss Granger," Snape said, again having nobody else to choose.**

** Here Hermione launches into another one breath explanation. "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way."**

** "Perfect," Snape said.**

Snape narrowed his eyes slightly, acknowledging that those definitions were, in fact, perfect, but knowing that he would never tell that to a Gryffindor.

**Ron asked, while stuffing his face with Chinese food, "What was the portkey one again, I missed that." Hermione attempts to explain but he cuts her off, saying, "not you, oh my god."**

** Getting back to that topic, Snape said, "And remember, a portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin."**

** "Professor," Lavender piped up, "can, like, a person be a portkey?"**

"Of course not, that's absolutely ridiculous," Snape chided the girl in the musical.

"Er, Severus," Dumbledore said, "I do believe that's the point of the question."

"Hmph. I just hope my portrayer knows as much."

**"No, that's absurd," Snape said. "Because then if a person were to touch themselves," and here he looks pointedly at Ron, with Ginny laughing in the background, "they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux."**

Nearly all of the teachers in the room gasped, except for Snape, though he was quite shocked. Harry could hear a bit of what they were whispering amongst each other, which mostly consisted of, 'Why would they bring that up?' and, 'How did the muggles know?'

**"What's a, what's a Horcrux," Harry asked innocently.**

** "I'm not even going to tell you Harry," Snape said, "you'll find out soon enough."**

** Harry tilted his head in confusion, wondering what that meant, as Hermione asked, "Professor, what is the point of this quiz?"**

Here almost everybody that knew Hermione mock-gasped. Fred leaned over and teased, "You, the smartest witch of your age, asking the point of a quiz? Outrageous!"

"Absolutely preposturous!" George added. Hermione just huffed.

**"Oh no, no point in particular," Snape said. "Just important information that everyone should know." He then pointed to some random guy in the audience and said, "Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses in all. Gryffindor," at this the Gryffindors let out a mighty cry - both in the musical and in real life, "Ravenclaw," one of the members went 'Ow!', "Hufflepuff,"**

** At this Cedric exclaimed loudly, "Find!"**

** "What?" Snape asked, "and Slytherin." Draco made sort of an 'Ah' sound while raising his hand up as Crabbe hissed. "Now traditionally," he paused to wave at the Slytherins, "traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, ten points from Gryffindor!" **

"I cannot believe this," Snape muttered. "My portrayer is showing too much emotion to possibly know more than the smallest of information about me."

"You guys hear that?" a random Gryffindor up near the staff table said, "Snape isn't very pleased. Maybe he'll deduct points from Umbridge for making us watch this!

"Hem, hem! What was that?"

"Oh, um, sorry Professor."

**The Gryffindors were confused at this. "For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat," Snape said.**

** "Thanks, Hermione," Harry and Ron both said.**

** Continuing with his explanation, Snape said, "Traditionally, the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel."**

"Wait, Professor Quirrel? Ginny wasn't even . . ."

"Don't even bother, 'Mione. I don't think you'll even be able to figure this out," Harry said.

**Harry started saying, "Ow, ow, ow!" as a timid looking man with a huge red turban walked onto the stage. When he got beside Dumbledore, he began to speak.**

** "House Cup. A time honored tradition. For centuries," out of the blue a voice interrupted him.**

** That voice said, "Go home terrorist!" before Quirrel looked over to Draco, who just looked around and shrugged a little.**

** "For centuries," Quirrel continued, "the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from, and what are the roots of the tradition?"**

"Well," Hermione started, but stopped herself, guessing that her musical form would answer.

**Hermione raised her hand and said without waiting, "The House Cup Tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."**

** "That was a rhetorical question!" Quirrel said.**

** "Granger, quit interrupting," Dumbledore said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor!"**

** "Thanks, Hermione," Ron said, a bit disgruntled.**

** "As I was saying," Quirrel said, "when the tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup, he would also win eternal glory."**

_**{Insert Hermione going OCD on the details and Harry and Ron stopping her here}**_

**Hermione then pointed out, "Kind of like a House Cup, er, no, like a Triwizard Tournament."**

"Oh boy," Harry groaned. "That was not fun. Not in the slightest."

**"Yes," Quirrel said, "sort of like the Triwizard Tournament. Except, no, not like that at all. There are four houses. How can it be the TRIwizard Tournament with four teams?"**

** "Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was ****killed**** during the first task," Hermione said.**

** "Yes," Quirrel agreed, "it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks."**

** "I don't think you heard me. I just said somebody died!"**

** "Hermione Granger," Dumbledore said, "shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!"**

"I'd hate to experience that side of Dumbledore," Ron said.

"I know," Harry agreed. "We get that enough from Umbridge."

**"Thanks, Hermione!"**

** "God," he continued, "for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes." After a pause, during which Harry and Ron laugh at Hermione, he says, "Ten points to Dumbledore."**

** Quirrel then continues the one speech that just keeps getting interrupted. "Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And, as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this . . . practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to," 'Achoo!', "Gesundheit."**

"Oh dear," Harry said. "They seem to have gotten that part right."

"What part?" Ron asked. "That You-Know-Who has allergies?"

Harry chuckled. "No, that he was there in the first place."

**"Did your turban just sneeze," Dumbledore asked.**

** "Wha-what, no," Quirrel stuttered.**

** "I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving."**

** "No, that - that was simply a fart, excuse me," Quirrel said as he began to back out of the room. 'Achoo!' went the turban again, and then Quirrel backed up to Harry. The turban sneezed again as Harry brought his hand to his head, repeating 'Ow!' over and over. "I must be going," ****Quirrel said as he walked past the Gryffindors, with most of them staring after him. 'Achoo!' "I simply farted once more, excuse me," Quirrel explained.**

"Well, that was . . . odd," Harry said, as others were saying similar things.

**To cover up the weird display, Dumbledore began to explain a few rules. "In compliance with the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, would you do us the honors, please?"**

"How much do you want to bet he rigged that thing?" Ron asked.

"There's no point to it, there's no way to know," Hermione said.

**"Yes, Headmaster," Snape said, bringing out the Cup. "First, from the Ravenclaw house, a Miss Cho Chang!"**

** Cho jumped up at that and said, "Oh my god, I won! Can ya believe that, y'all?"**

** Pulling the next card out, Snape said, "Next, from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory."**

** Cedric then stood up and said, "Well, I don't ****find**** this surprising at all," all the while smiling.**

** Cho looked up and said, "I find it perfect. Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend."**

** Cedric leaned down and said, "I'm glad as well, my darling," after which he kissed her head, which got Harry slightly annoyed.**

** "Next, from the Slytherine house, a Draco Malfoy!"**

"This oughtta be good!" Harry said loudly and purposefully, knowing Draco would get thoroughlyhumiliated.

**Draco clapped as he stood. "Oh, oh! I finally beat you, didn't I, Potter," he said as he crossed the room and climbed onto Harry's lap. "I'm the champion this time!" He then rolled off as Dumbledore chastised him.**

** "Draco, would you sit down, you little shit, champion's just a title." Draco then walks back, slightly dejected, but still triumphant.**

** "And finally, from the Gryffindor house, . . . Oh my. Well, isn't this curious. The one person in all of Hogwarts who I have a well-know grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life!"**

** Neville stood up at this and said, "If it's me, I'll apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, f-for losing."**

** "Sit down you inarticulate bumbler," Snape scolded him, "It's Harry Potter!"**

** All of the Gryffindors celebrated except Hermione, with Ron doing his annoying 'Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!' thing.**

"This is almost like what the Tournament turned out to be last year," Ron said.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "A beautiful, exotic girl, an overconfident guy, Cedric, and me."

"Pretty much," Ron said.

**Dumbledore walked out again, saying, "Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So let's get to it, ha ha!" He then left the students to their own devices. Most of them were clapping and chanting 'Cho Chang, Cho Chang, Cho Chang!'. ****Malfoy tried to start people cheering for himself, but it didn't really work.**

As Umbridge was about to press play on the next part, Dumbledore spoke up. "Dolores, might I suggest we stop for dinner, now? It is prepared, and I, for one, am quite hungry."

At this Umbridge faltered. "Um, well . . . Certainly, Headmaster. And I'm sure the students would like to discuss what they've seen."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**Please forgive me for taking so long to get this out. The next one will be out faster since school is coming to an end, plus I won't have to copy down every single detail of an eight to ten minute video. As always, reviews are helpful and appreciated. Also, I'm still open to suggestions on other characters to add in to watch the musical. **


End file.
